ANGRY NATHAN'S HOTDOGS REVIEW

NATHAN'S HOTDOGS ARE TOO GOOD. THERE, I SAID IT. YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO EAT FIVE PACKAGES OF THESE IN ONE SITTING? WELL I DO BECAUSE I DID IT.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE HOTDOGS. THEY'RE DISGUSTING MEAT TUBES. NOT EVEN MEAT. MEAT BYPRODUCT. MEAT BYPRODUCT TUBES. FULL OF SALT AND Z GRADE MEAT.

BUT THESE THINGS ARE THE BEST. MY ONLY PROBLEM IS THERE AREN'T ENOUGH TO SATISFY MY INFINITE HUNGER.

FINAL RATING: INFINITE MEAT TUBE

ANGRY KRAFT CHEESE SLICES REVIEW

I HATE KRAFT CHEESE SINGLES SO MUCH. IT'S LIKE VELVEETA EXCEPT IN A PRE CUT SLEEVE AND IT'S EASY TO SHOVE IN MY MOUTH.

MY GRILLED CHEESE INTAKE HAS ONE UP 3000% SINCE BUYING THESE. ONE MAN CAN ONLY EAT SO MUCH GRILLED CHEESE. AND THIS MAN HAS EATEN ALL OF IT.

IT SHOULD BE SO EASY TO PUT CHEESE ON A BURGER BUT HERE IT IS. NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE TOO LAZY TO PUT CHEESE ON A BURGER. IT'S JUST TOO EASY NOW.

REALLY IT CAN GO ON ANYTHING. HOTDOGS, ICE CREAM, ROCKS. IT'S THAT EASY.

FINAL RATING: CHEESE PLEASE

FOUR CRAZY FAST FOOD MYTHS

1. McDonald's food never rots

This is completely wrong. McDonald's food is just drier than most foods and can sometimes dry out. In a normal moist environment, it rots just like any other food.

2. Fast food salads are healthy

Technically better than burgers and fries but after all the toppings like croutons, cheese, dressing, bacon, and whatever else, it's not exactly "healthy".

3. McDonald's Burgers are made of earth worms

This is patently false. Anyone who claims this is an idiot.

4. Finger found in Wendy's chili

Though technically a finger was found in the chili, the customer purposely placed it there so they could try to file a lawsuit.

ANGRY DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER REVIEW

MCDONALD'S DOUBLE QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE USED TO BE MY NUMBER ONE FAST FOOD BURGER. BUT THEN I GOT OLD AND GREW SOME TASTE BUDS.

THE LAST TIME I HAD ONE OF THESE IT ACTUALLY TASTED REALLY GOOD. TOOK ME BACK TO ALL THE GOOD TIMES OF BEING 15 YEARS OLD AND AN IDIOT.

BUT ABOUT 20 MINUTES AFTER EATING IT I FELT SLIMY AND GROSS. IT WAS LIKE ALL THE GREASE WAS JUST UNDER MY SKIN.

LUCKILY I ATE THE FRIES JUST IN TIME BEFORE THEY GOT COLD AND GROSS SO THE MEAL WASN'T A TOTAL LOSS.

WASHED THE WHOLE THING DOWN WITH SOME COKE AND CONTEMPLATED MY LIFE'S CHOICES.

FINAL RATING: GREASE

ANGRY TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS REVIEW

TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS ARE THE MOST BULLSHIT FOOD.

THEY'RE JUST TINY HOT POCKETS, FROZEN CENTER AND ALL.

I BOUGHT A BAG OF THESE ONCE AND IT WAS LIKE BUYING 48 MINI HOT POCKETS. WHY THE HELL DID I BUY 48 MINI HOT POCKETS? I DON'T WANT TO BUY A REGULAR HOT POCKET.

EVEN WORSE, THEY DON'T TASTE AS GOOD AS A HOT POCKET. IT'S SHOCKING. HOW CAN SOMETHING BE WORSE THAN A HOT POCKET? WELL TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS FOUND A WAY.

FINAL RATING: I'D RATHER EAT A HOT POCKET

ANGRY FRITOS SCOOPS REVIEW

FRITOS SCOOPS ARE DELICIOUS AND TERRIBLE.

IT'S LIKE AN EDIBLE SPOON FOR CHEESE DIP. THAT'S VERY DANGEROUS AROUND A FAT MAN LIKE ME. IT'S TOO EASY TO JUST EAT A TUB OF CHEESE GOO VIA CORN SPOONS.

THE WORST PART IS THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH CHEESE. I COULD GO THROUGH THREE TUBS OF FRITOS CHEESE DIP FROM ONE BAG OF SCOOPS.

FRITOS CHEESE DIP IS WHY I'M FAT. ALSO MY LACK OF SELF CONTROL. BUT I'M GONNA BLAME CHEESE.

FINAL RATING: DANGEROUSLY CHEESY

ANGRY COOL RANCH DORITOS REVIEW

RANCH DORITOS? BECAUSE WE NEED CHIPS THAT TASTE LIKE MAYONNAISE.

WHO EVEN THOUGHT OF THIS? "LET'S TAKE A MAYONNAISE BASED SAUCE AND PUT IT ON CORN BASED CHIPS" -A CRAZY PERSON.

WHAT'S CRAZIER IS HOW MUCH I EAT THEM AND HOW MUCH I HATE THEM.

WHY DO I EAT MAYONNAISE FLAVORED CHIPS? AM I JUST A BAD PERSON? PROBABLY.

FINAL RATING: NOT A COWBOY